Mum's Quote of the Day - Christmas Special

"He's exploded because he's got pubics."

Mum's quote of the day

"Oi, Oi, touch that woman for me."

- Church on Sunday

Mum's quote of the day

Mum: She had some icons on her mental piece.

Me: You mean mantelpiece?

Mum: Yeah, her man piece.

TA-ing quote of the day

New series - my GCSE students.

Upon finding out my heritage:
"Oh, that's why you're that colour. You're dark white."

Mum's quote of the day

"The police officer was hitting him with one of those balaclavas."

Mum's quote of the day

"Its got the HIV thing for sun protection."

Mum's quote of the day

"It's posh cheese. It's like parmesan but the kind you can eat."

Mum's quote of the day

"She got a new one from a company. It's called a blueberry."

Mum's Dictionary Corner

Chest Tits

Noun ~ Male nipples, can include the general nippular area.
E.g. Christian's chest tits glistened in the moonlight.
For real world examples of use, see here.

Mum's quote of the day

"I haven't even started finishing yet..."

Mum's Quote of the Day

"In a way O Katos (the cat) flies with his ears."

Mum's quote of the day

"It's in a real milk bottle jar that stands up."

Mum's quote of the day

"She won't fall out of the window. She'll be fine. Cats bounce"


I doubt she'll bounce out of traffic...

Mum's story of the day

"It was a real man. It wasn't Jesus and guess what he bibed me up. There was a car in front of me but it wasn't moving. And I went over to him in the sports car and said 'What do you want?' and he said 'You're very pretty' so I said 'So are you' and walked off.."

Mum's other quote of the day

"If knives could kill!"

Mum's quote of the day

"I don't wanna go with the underground, I wanna go on the outside.. ground."

Mum's Dictionary Corner

Feathers

Noun ~ Commonly found on domestic house cats in a range of colours.
E.g. Fluffy's feathers always shed in the summer time.
For real world examples of use, see here.

Mum's quote of the day

Me: I have a job interview with Cancer Research next week...
Mum: As a scientist?


(For those that don't know (including my mother) I have a BA in Economics and Politics.

Mum's quote of the day

"They started off as square pillows and they turned into rectangle ones."

Mum's quote of the day

"Have you got salty paws? Is your garden filled with slags?"

Mum's quote of the day

"When I straighten them, they'll be pass your chest tits."

The Archives: Mum's old quote of the day (R)

Disappointed in Omid Djalili (or getting him confused with Stavros Flatly), from the 19th of February 2012 : 


"He's dancing in Arabic, not in Greek"

I didn't know you could dance in a particular language but apparently its possible.

Mum's other quote of the day

"It's there behind the door of the table..."

Mum's quote of the day

"They must be slimming because they've got cheese in them."

Mum's quote of the day

"See how good for the environment I am?"

Mum's quote of the day

"We're lost. We're right up your arse."

Mum's quote of the day

"Something went wrong. We didn't have the map reader. You're supposed to be the director!"

The Archives: Mum's old quote of the day (R)

The quote that launched a thousand posts, from way back when on the 27th January...


"They say that swimming releases enzymes."

Mum's quote of the day

"I don't wanna eat the pancake boys.."

The Archives: Mum's old quote of the day (R)

Getting her teeth into the American elections, from the 17th February 2012:


MUM: When is the American election?
ME: Which one?
MUM: The Amazouri one.

Mum's quote of the day

"A bum lift."

Mum's quote of the day

"Even if you're in a VPI room, you should always break wind."

The Archives: Mum's old quote of the day (R)

From the 23rd of February, discussing the wonders of yoghurt making:


"You can't make yoghurt unless you make the first yoghurt."

The Archives: Mum's old quote of the day (R)

From the 4th February, a personal favourite of mine:

"Its one of those Panther films."

The Archives: Mum's old quote of the day (R)

Ok, so people, and by people I mean Efthymio, wanted me to move all of mum quotes onto their now rightful home, so one by one every few days I will slowly copy them to the Praising Armadillo where they can be accessed all in one place, any time... Here's a good example of taking a traditional saying and making it Skeve's, from 9th February 2012:


"Why cut about the bush?"

Mum's quote of the day

"She has white feathers so she matches the furniture..."

Mum's quote of the day

Mum: "Its like air-conditioning without electricity..."
Me: "You mean wind..."

Mum's quote of the day

"That bus was so slow it was like a blind bus."

Mum's quote of the day

"Do you want any Strittles? Strittles? Strittles? Strettles? Strittles? Skittles? Strettles? Strittles?"

Mum's quote of the day

"He'd be in the shop and I'd shout... And the old ladies would look at me... It went on for ages. Spunky! Spunky!"

Mum's quote of the day

"They put the plaster in and they mix it and it goes round and round... Its amazing!"

Mum's quote of the day

"They have their nostrils to measure their ears and their height."

Mum's quote of the day

"She's a Maxican."

Mum's other quote of the day

"Ikea's just one big furniture shop really..."

Mum's quote of the day

"Its one of them sex dogs."

Mum's quote of the day

Mum: "Which Oscars are they?"
(Long Pause)
Mum: The film Oscars?
Me: No mum, the car Oscars...

Mum's quote of the day

"I just won't put the heating on and then things will keep cool."

Mum's quote of the day

"There's thieves and there's gonna be more thieves."